Food Network Crack

What is it about the Food Network that makes me want to never leave the couch again? Is it the epic food battles that keep me on the edge of my seat screaming at the TV that the Iron Chef MUST win (except Bobby Flay. My grave dislike of Bobby Flay makes me cheer for the contender). Maybe it's Guy Fieri discovering little highway gems and guessing how many fried food items he will eat until a heart attack. Or maybe it's "The best thing I ate" or the "Ace of Cakes." I'm thinking I should send Daniel on "The Worst Cooks in America" (he doesn't even want to take frozen chicken nuggets out of the oven 'what if I burn myself?' he says.) I mustn't make fun of my poor boyfriend for his chef skills. When we first starting dating I had the brilliant idea to make him a grilled cheese and ended up somehow burning the bread (it was charred black) without melting the cheese (it was still cold). He ate it anyway.

I think my love of the Food Network might be because of Alton Brown, simply because after watching him I feel smart. I could be a food science major, I can wow all of my friends with useless food science knowledge. I could tell them all that I now know the chemical compound of the fat in milk and inform them about rice pudding (you aren't supposed to use instant-cook rice). Whatever it is, the Food Network is somehow feeding me crack and I cannot leave this couch because I have to have more. Must have seconds. Or thirds. Or a whole day... poor Dan ("why are we watching this...")

In the spirit of food, I present a cheeseburger:

And now I present a cheeseburger that has been attacked and defeated. And enjoyed.

Maybe what I like the most about the Food Network is watching people make and eat food that I would/could never eat. I mean, Paula Dean, that is a lot of butter. I like watching Rachel Ray make meals in 30 minutes, and I love, love, LOVE watching Ina Garten make food for her friends (why can't I be her friend?). I like watching people do what I can't (i.e. make edible food and enjoy it). I don't see "Making Salads with Paula," or "Diet Foods with the Barefoot Contessa." I think what the Food Network is telling me is that life is too short for salads with the dressing on the side. In the words of Julia Child, "the only time you eat diet food is when you are waiting for the steak to cook."

Bon apetit.

-k